


What a Dumb Ass

by girlsoverthere



Series: Road to Success Bad Translations [1]
Category: Road to Success
Genre: Chinese, Crack, Donkey - Freeform, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, Textbook, farmer - Freeform, this is a joke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-24 22:09:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1618745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlsoverthere/pseuds/girlsoverthere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A donkey gets itself stuck in a well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What a Dumb Ass

**Author's Note:**

> I got really bored in class one day. Really bored. So I more or less translated one of the chapters of my Chinese textbook. This was not edited in any way.

So one day there was this donkey. Now, we all know donkeys aren’t exactly a model of intelligence to begin with, but this donkey was particularly stupid and it somehow managed to get itself stuck at the bottom of an old well. The water had dried up long ago, but the shaft was wide enough for donkey to fit, and deep enough that it couldn’t climb out. 

A little while later, the donkey’s owner came searching for his wayward beast of burden. He heard it braying in distress and peered down the well. Well, there was the missing donkey alright. The farmer walked around and around the well, puzzling over his dilemma. How the heck was he going to get that donkey out of the well?

The farmer went next door and asked his neighbor for help “freeing his donkey.” Of course, the neighbor eagerly followed after stopping in his room to grab a few necessary items. Much to the neighbor’s dismay, the farmer needed help freeing and actual donkey. From an actual well.

“Dude,” the neighbor said, “forget it. There is no way we’re going to get an actual donkey out of an actual well. Besides, I thought you need help with something else.”

The farmer stared at the neighbor quizzically. “What else could I have meant?”

The neighbor moved in closer, so close the farmer could smell the scent of warm apple pie, which the neighbor had been baking when the farmer so uncharacteristically interrupted him. Then he gave the farmer a very smoldering look and whispered “I think you know what I meant.”

The farmer has just enough breath to gasp out an “oh” in recognition, and then the neighbor’s lips are upon his own and his hands are in the neighbor’s hair. Feelings long ago recognized but never admitted to come in to light in the most blatant of ways as the two embrace in the open field next to the dried-up well with the world’s dumbest donkey trapped at the bottom. 

Before long, the neighbor pushed the farmer down to the ground. He kneels down on top of the farmer until he’s straddling the beefy agricultural worker. He grinds their now-hard man rods together and the farmer lets out a long moan. “Ooooooooooooh,” he moans, “Please tell me you want this as bad as I need ut.”

The neighbor leans over the farmer until their foreheads are touching, their lips just a hair’s distance apart. “Yes,” the next door resident breathes before closing the distance. They turn into a writhing mass of flesh and pent up desires made real. They do all sorts of things that I’ve only ever read about in other fan fics. Toys and lube and rope appear from nowhere (although they are on a farm, so it’s pretty possible that “rope” was actually bailing twine, because a farm without bailing twine is just a very big garden), as does the soft blanket and mound of pillows the lie on.

When their finally realized lust is completely expunged upon the dusty ground (the pillows and blankets and other assorted sexual paraphernalia have since disappeared down the well), the farmer sighed in satisfaction. He placed a kiss upon his new lover’s brow and then slowly sat up. 

“Well, I suppose we should do something about that donkey,” he said with a sigh.

“There’s no way we’re going to get it out of the well, turtle dove. We should just kill it in the most humane and logical way possible.” The neighbor drew in a deep breath, and letting it out he whispered “by burying it alive.”

The farmer didn’t even stop to debate whether or not this was the correct course of action, he simply went into the nearby tool shed and retrieved a pair of shovels. Then the two set about their dirty work, dumping dirt into the dried-up old well. 

But what they could not see was that as the dirt was hitting its back, the donkey was shaking it off. The dirt from its back fell to the ground, where the donkey trampled it into the dust that was already present at the bottom of the well. As the farmer and his neighbor kept shoveling the dirt in, the donkey kept shaking it off and stamping on it until suddenly, much to the surprise of the agricultural worker and his adjacent property owner, climbed out from the well using the obscenely large pile of dirt that had been shoveled in. 

The two men stared in open mouthed astonishment. They had been outsmarted by a dumb ass.


End file.
